From the limestone over the river

This has been a long time coming. When I first embarked on this journey almost 2 years ago, I found this quiet space where it felt kind of like the clouds metaphorically parted and everything was clear. Not in the sense that I understood everything, (or anything for that matter) but I could hear myself, clearly. I was granted this time and space where my thoughts were revealed to me effortlessly, without having to filter through the onslaught of distractions of modern life.  I was perched on this slab of limestone, about 100 yards above a trickling river where I’d watched women washing clothes and mules hauling water from a spring the day before and I met myself, in a way that I never had before. There was a fullness in the types of connections I’d felt in this far away place that resonated within me, deep in my bones. These feelings were intensified by the amazingly slow pace and philosophy of life that I witnessed in a rural Amazigh (Berber) village in the High Atlas mountains of Northern Africa.

“Village life was so beautiful. Life isn’t easy in the village, but it is simple. It was a sustainable life, relying on hard work and the earth that provides. The support systems permeated every household. The genuineness really was something to behold for those of us who live in a world where we are struggling to retain this ability in the modern way of life. In the village, there is time. Time for tea, for slow walks, for watching the sky change, the sun set, the moon rise, the stars shine, the river flow.”

So back I came, and this journey unfurled before me. The list of ways I learned about myself and the vast and beautiful world is endless, so my goal is to share bits and pieces of my experience with the hope of shedding light on a culture, religion, and way of life that is different from the one many of my peers and loved ones live. To recount stories from a group of people who have felt like home to me in the most unexpected of places. To share what surrender can do for one’s creativity and sense of self. How this experience of redefining concepts like wealth and success have transformed me. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done for myself.

One of the biggest challenges for me has been figuring out how to write for an “audience” if you will, and not just for myself. How to toe this line between private and public life and editing it in a way that feels honest and natural. I’ve always written, but certainly never considered myself a “writer” so where to start has baffled me for 2 years now. I have made myself take a step back and just say “ok, what is most important?” what has been the most impactful?” where does your desire to share come from?” It comes from the transformative power of trust, grace, surrender, and gratitude. It has come from what learning how to be more open to these things has brought to my journey.

So, as I’m sure you can imagine, unexpectedly booking 89 day round trip tickets to a place that couldn’t be farther from the only home you’ve ever known (hey South Carolina) was a pretty big decision. As was leaving my comfortable corporate job, but sometimes the universe sends you messages and the “what ifs” outweigh the stability, the “comfort”. To say this move was a leap of faith sometimes feels like a massive understatement. What drew me to this great unknown I can’t say, but pull me big time it did. I feel I should preface all this by saying that I am not a risk taker, and wouldn’t have even described myself as adventurous at this time. Anyone who knows me knows I am very frugal, always have been, and am a rule follower. That being said, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to be doing in Morocco for 3 months, but I boarded a plane and embarked on my journey because I simply had to. I’d never been that person who “listened to their gut”, but something outside of myself drew me to this great unknown like a moth to a flame. Off I went.

I don’t speak French, or Arabic, “darija” (the unique Moroccan dialect of Arabic) or any of the 4 Amazigh dialects. I wasn’t well versed in Islamic life and ritual. I had never traveled alone before. But much to my delight, I was fine! I had plenty of nerves, but the act of believing in myself and forcing myself out of my comfort zone on a daily (often momentarily) basis was incredible! I had an amazing support system, having met some incredible people on the original trip with the Whole Foods Market Team Member Volunteer Program, who made me feel so welcome and at ease. But still, navigating the bustling (understatement) streets of Marrakech, especially as a tiny foreign lady, well you can imagine I’m sure. I almost immediately adopted the use of mantras. “It’s ok” being the top of the list. Learning to lean into needing people was my biggest hurdle and greatest reward. I had never needed anyone, for anything before, or so it felt. I was an independent woman, who took great pride in supporting myself and accomplishing my goals. I had recently transitioned to a new position at Whole Foods where I had grown into myself facilitating positive change in my workplace and community. I had traveled to 7 countries on my own dime and was a big fan of experimenting with different lifestyle changes and pushing the boundaries of my self discipline.

Needless to say that independence came to a screeching halt and I was VULNERABLE. There wasn’t a whole lot I could comfortably or confidently do on my own and I had to adapt. I had to do the best that I could, moment by moment. It was hard for me to not feel like “myself”, but it was well worth it to be on this journey that I now know was my becoming.

“This journey has taught me so much, made me a better person. It has given me precisely what I think I realized I needed last year as I looked out over that village. The extraordinary. I wasn’t sent here to live an ordinary life. I wasn’t sent here to coast, to live in the middle of the emotional spectrum. I have gifts that are beyond that happy middle place. I want to grow and expand and feel the entire spectrum. I want to be uncomfortable and push myself and constantly be seeking new heights.”

Crazy little sea goat that I am. I’ve struggled with how to share my story, without feeling like I’m taking myself too seriously, or being too wordy cause Lord knows I am, but what I’m always coming back to is what set this whole story in motion: connection. How can I meld these two versions of myself? How can the old me and the new me coexsist and what can that look like? I want to connect my life here with my new life there. I want a space to be able to speak about the how and my why, as well as life in a rural Amazigh village that is set back in time. I want to share more images and tell the day to day stories of my comings and goings. I want to feel more connected and invested in a life lived both here and there, so, here I am. Here we are. Thanks for being here.